Read Next

That One Time I Danced

I'd managed to go twenty something years without ever actually dancing, but it was becoming increasingly clear that my streak was going to end tonight. I'd always envied people who could dance. They made it look so easy and fun, which was how it was when I danced in the mirror, but the thought of dancing in front of other people mortified me.

"Come on, man. Go with them! Dance!"

We had met a couple girls on the cruise, and like any girls, they wanted to dance. Somehow all girls are built with this ability, while a good number of us guys become borderline disabled when led to a dance floor. I noticed that in direct contrast to his goading, my friend wasn't making any effort to join the dancing masses himself.

Honest People Might Be Dangerous


"And if you've smoked any weed, had a joint in college, whatever -- tell us the truth! This will not adversely affect you, it's most important to us that you tell us the truth."

There were two officers at the front of the LAPD Reserve Officer Orientation. The Reserve Officer program was unpaid volunteer police work. You'd get a small stipend for equipment, and "intense paramilitary-style training" as they described it.

I was excited to protect and serve. It was 2009, and I didn't have much to do after the financial crash wiped everything out. So, I was becoming a reserve police officer. I was thinking I could help out in detective work, I like figuring things out. Or riot duty.

I liked the orientation, and I filled out the required background application. There were questions to tick off, something like this:

Marijuana .............. Multiple times in last year [ ] Once in last year [ ] Multiple times in lifetime [ ] Once in lifetime [ ] Never [ ]

Rendering New Theme...