A wild horse is a beautiful thing on its own, but isn't very useful to a person. To create a symbiotic relationship with the horse, the owner must break the horse, training it to give up some of its wild instincts and replace them with conditioned responses.
I rode a horse a few weeks ago in Chile. She was generally well behaved, but had her quirks. Sometimes, riding along in the desert, there would be a tasty looking shrub. If we were walking slowly enough, she would stop and eat it. I'd have to yank on the reins to prevent her from doing it, but that didn't stop her from trying again next time.
It feels like my brain is the same way. I train it over and over again, but it's never completely broken. There are battles that I fight every single day, knowing that winning doesn't mean eliminating those battles entirely, but just winning them more often than not.
One of those battles is the desire for pleasure. I can logically want to live a fairly ascetic life, can enjoy that life, but still there's some draw to temptation. I want to do fun things. I want to buy things I don't need. And after two of my good friends have met serious boyfriends/girlfrends on Tinder-- I really want to install that app, even though I'm not dating until WifeQuest begins next year.
Another battle is the battle for rest. Maybe this is the same as the battle for pleasure, just in a specific form. When I'm trying to summon all of my brainpower to solve some technical problem, a part of me wants to just lie down and take a nap. Most weekends I enjoy working, but sometimes I think about how people take two days off every week to do nothing, and that seems like some impossible fantasy.
Maybe, too, there's a battle against selfishness. I'm not sure I win this one as much as the other two I mentioned. I think about everything that my family and friends have done for me, especially my parents raising me, and it seems absurd that I would do anything for myself. And yet-- when I have a spare few hundred bucks to buy a plane ticket, I always buy it for myself.
Part of being a productive human, one who walks towards his goals, is to fight these battles. Winning them ticks one's life in a good direction, losing them sets one back a little bit. The important part is to realize that they're battles that we'll all fight for our whole lives, unless we surrender. Thinking about it like that makes it easier to fight. Yeah, it's supposed to be hard. Yeah, I'm going to have to do this again tomorrow. That can be discouraging, unless you realize that fighting this battles is the mechanism by which we all progress. Then they seem like an opportunity.
Photo is a mean looking Buddha in the Met in NYC
Photos should be getting better soon! Long time reader Max is coming out here with his pro photographer friend to teach me how to take better photos.
It's a conundrurm-- one needs to stick to committments, standards, principles. And there is the temptation of sorts, to diverge from the path we THINK we should be taking.... But please dont' forget to consider the perspective of your Chilean horse, and at least debate the lesson she has to offer. She was wise in knowing that when something good comes along (the shrubs) she must relish in the opportunity, as it may not come again for a long time, thus leaving herself weak and unable to maintain her commitment to you, or the next rider. When unexpected opportunities come our way, they could be the very nourishment our spirits, or intellects, or personalities need in that moment.
The tricky part is listening when we realize that what we thought we wanted, may not be what we want any longer.
I worked 7 days a week for 20 years. I got to where I didn't even know how to relax. I was on a mental/economic treadmill. The more I worked and the more money I made, the more it made me want to work more and buy more (well, my wife at the time). I can remember working on New Year's Eve numerous times just to make a bigger amount because it was a Holiday. And working Christmas and every other Holiday for the same reason. I got to where I felt I had to work every moment for every extra dollar or I was falling behind on the opportunities.
Eventually I burnt myself out, and had to take a break because my health was shot due to the long hours and tons of stress I put on myself. I can now look at things from a third person view. I believe that every human should put forth an effort to be the best they can become. Although working every second to make money that eventually leads to health problems is self defeating. I advise everyone to work hard and find an occupation you really love to do. Always live below your means, take breaks, and smell the roses along the way. I advise that you take time to enjoy the simple pleasures in life like watching the sunrise or sunset, growing a garden or taking a walk.
I expected that u would take the horse/life metaphor one more step and say that the faster u went the more focused the horse became. Maybe that's for a follow up post about momentum! Thanks for writing. I always enjoy your perspective.
I say give Tindr a shot. To me, foregoing any possibility of romantic contact for an entire year to free up time makes about as much sense as foregoing fitness for an entire year to free up time. I don't think it's something you should ever sacrifice for huge periods of time.
Tynan, reading your post was like have a discussion with myself while looking in the mirror except for the selfish part. In that instance, sometimes, I wish I could be more self in-tuned. buy that ticket and find myself on the sandy beaches of Barbados.
Edit: Not sure how to delete
Tynan, if you had to choose between the Moons Monegallet and this, which would you pick?
I'm trying to pack, I'm highly anticipating your backpack. I'm digging a ton of the gear you posted.
I believe I've found a source for the Moons Monegallet through Amazon.co.jp, this one's in stock but you probably already knew about this
I enjoy reading Tynan's thoughts as he is always striving forward while reflecting the past (and present, too) and admitting to human frailities, struggles we all face and makes me feel i'm not doing all that bad. Tynan is so honest and not one who just goes on life without much care for self, others and their environment/customs; I'm glad to read a younger generation's mind who is not always partying but giving thoughts to making a life in this crazy world.
Really enjoy what you share with us!
Exactly what i needed Tynan! Starting a day where I was thinking "What moves me?" and just wanted to lay in bed with my girlfriend, an then reading this post while strangely listen to "A Horse With no Name..." just boosted me up!
I really admire you man. Your discipline and sense of what to do with your life is EVERYTHING! Keep like this!
Hugs from Brazil.
All these battles would dissolve if you would just take the time to read "Loving What Is" and learn to use the four questions and turnarounds. Don't take my word for it, test it for yourself, or not. If you really want to take a trip and give yourself a nice gift, go do the 9 Day School for the Work in Ojai this Sept. Thanks for sharing your adventures and musings. I love em.
Continuing with the theme of weird things about me that could possibly point to some psychological conditions - I hate birthdays. Rest assured that it's not my birthday. I wanted to write this on my birthday, but instead I waited some amount of time so that no one would know when it is.
Yeah, that's right. I don't tell people when my birthday is. My family knows, since they were intimately involved in the event we're supposed to celebrate, but very few of my friends know. Kristen bribed me by making me a really cool clay rock for my fish tank, so I told her. The only two friends who called were Nicole and Nick, both of which I would have thought would never call. I've seen Nicole once in the past two years, and Nick has been in Pennsylvania for quite some time.
I don't know exactly what it is about birthdays. I just don't like people making a big deal out of it. I hate getting birthday presents (along with Christmas presents), and I hate it when people wish me a happy birthday. All these family members and Nick and Nicole called, and I ignored all of their calls. I didn't call them back either.
A few days ago, I wrote an open letter to a good friend of mine - "I Think Greatness is Something You Are, Not Something You Do" - I said to him, I'm not a great man, just a normal man working on great things. Greatness is something you do, not something you are.
To give you some background, my friend Brendon is just one of the most amazingly good people in the world. He takes care of everyone around him, his mind, body, and spirit are sharp. He's a black belt, an excellent programmer, a philosopher, a Shodan in Go (actually, even stronger than that - he's a Shodan under the Asian rankings, so probably even higher in America), a hard worker, extremely loyal, a clear and free thinker, widely read and knowledgeable, and again - an amazingly good guy. I've learned a lot from him (notably, he taught me how to play Go, sysadmin Linux, understand basketball at a very high level, improve at martial arts, improve my fitness, and other good stuff - we'd usually go drink green tea and play Go at Samurai Restaurant in Boston, go fight in the park, talk philosophy out at nightclubs, do stuff like that).
He wrote back to me about greatness and humility. I think this is a really beautiful piece, so I asked him if I could gently edit it and put it up. He graciously agreed. It's long, but go ahead and just start it and give it whatever time you have - there's a lot of amazing insight in here.
A Quick Favor Request - if you learn from this or it helps you, please send Brendon a quick email to email@example.com - he was actually a little gun-shy about having such a personal piece put up with such raw power in it. He only agreed when I told him how many people it could help - so please, drop him a short line to say thanks if this teaches you as much as it did me.
Without further ado...