So the past few cycles have been rough... I often find myself having to conciously force myself to keep my eyes open and focused. Because of this I was cutting the cycles in half, but that didn't seem to be doing too much for me. During this last one I decided to just push myself to complete some projects and see if it made a difference. As luck would have it, it made all the difference in the world. Just moving around and doing a few things made me feel almost as awake as yesterday.
As a result I'm going to push my nap forward to make up for those added naps. I'll feel better anyway. I'm still trying to decide on my final schedule. Right now I'm leaning towards 11, 3, 7. The main reason is because it would make it very easy to go out to clubs.
For some reason this time around feels a lot more different than my previous attempts. In a way it seems like I'm more in control. Before I always felt like it may get so bad that I would have to quit. Now I just feel like I may have to up my focus and effort, but that that anything thrown my way can be crushed.
It didn't occur to me until about a week ago that I am a mutant.
When genes duplicate, the overwhelming majority of them are copied with perfect fidelity, with only the occasional rogue gene mutating into something unexpected. Most of these mutations, called neutral mutations, have no real effect.
Once in a while, though, a gene mutates, and happens to produce a significant difference in its host, and that difference affects the host's survivability.
I love this mission! It makes so much sense! I don't think this is silly at all. It's useful and very helpful. After I wrote my last post I was keen on finding a way to deal with how I feel about my ideals. Or rather, a way to deal with how they make me feel (not that good). My MITs were to write down a list of the things 'I do right', my positive qualities, and things I like doing/are fun. Then in the evening I read the mission (I'm European time) and I thought it was so much better than my own mission :) because it doesn't make look away from what I don't like about myself and then focus on things I like better, it makes me look at what I don't like and accept it. Really good.
Today I did my first session, and it was easier than I expected. Maybe because I knew it would only take about 3 minutes. I feel uncomfortable about not having achieved as much as I would have liked professionally this year. I focused on that. It was like a burning sensation, hard to take. Very quickly though, I felt a wave of compassion and ease as I stayed there. I saw myself as someone who's scared of not achieving enough. I held myself in my on arms and felt much better. I'm human, imperfect, but a good person regardless.