What are your MUSTS for dating someone long term? For example, a couple of mine are that she can't drink, can't be religious, must be thin, etc. Give me yours to make a post coming up soon better!
I think you've already written the post, but my I outlined my dream girl here: http://hammer86blog.com/2008/09/25/what-i-look-for-in-a-long-term-mate/
1. Must drink. I dont mean AA stuff, I just think that its great fun and a terrific release to just get completely shitfaced every now and then, and id hate to be doing that while my girlfriend just sips more sprite and looks at me condescendingly.
If she doesnt drink, she cant look badly on it nor be too judgemental about it, and must have a very high energy when going out.
I guess "must drink" doesnt quite sound right. There's a latin expression that goes "es un vividor", as in "he really lives life". This is used with people who like their lives colored so-to-speak. Great food, great drinks, great music and a lot of dancing.
2. Intelligence, emotionally and spiritually. I like talking a LOT, about a very wide variety of topics. I dont need harvard material, anyone with an interest in looking beyond the surface will do.
3. ABSOLUTELY CANNOT take herself too seriously. There's nothing i hate more than a holier-than-thou attitude, or these people who think the world will crumble if they dont show up at work every single day. Lighten up! Life is too short to worry that much about anything!
4. Great sense of humour.
5. A good sense of style, a decent amount of taking care of her body. I dont date only supermodels, in fact, many of the greatest women i've dated and fallen in love with wouldnt be in the bikini model category. But i cannot date a women who consciously decides to not give a damn. Having a few extra pounds isnt an excuse for looking like you live in a trailer. (Hah! no offense tynan. you know what i mean.) I love a girl with her own style, and that worries and dresses up for me. Cause i do the same for her.
That being said, i dont like excessive grooming either. Girls who cant go camping without a suitcase worth of make up make me cry.
hello tynan :)
LTR partner for me must have the following qualities:
-must be able to laugh at himself silly, not take things or himself too seriously.
-Gorgeous smile with equally deep penetrating eyes that look into mine when he's talking.
-Rational, reasonable, not religious, more spiritual than anything, but logical more than anything
-Drinks with me when I am drinking, but is not alcohol dependent.
-Calls or texts me everyday when he is away.
-Must give the BEST HUGS :)
ps: I miss Him already!
-be intelligent and opinionated
-have a good sense of humour
-not be embarrassed about her sexuality
-understand that introverts need to be alone sometimes
-like good music (or at least a wide range)
-be/be prepared to become a vegetarian
Ideally, she'd also be straightedge.
No wonder you guys are all single, since your standards range from ridiculous to superficial.
- Doesn't harm herself by excessive drinking/drugs/smoking, any criminal acts etc
- Not crazy (excessive jealousy, clingy, needy, moody etc)
- Smart, positive and open-minded
- Compatible attitudes about things like order/cleanliness, spending vs saving money etc
Sexy. If I think she's sexy, she's sexy.
Takes care of herself. Is physically active. Puts in the effort to keep her body nice.
Sexual, in touch with her sexuality, and not uptight about sex. Every girl I've seriously dated has been bi, coincidentally.
Liberal. Pro gay marriage. Pro individual freedoms. Pro choice.
Educated and intelligent. She doesn't need a phD or to be Marilyn Vos Savant, but she needs to be smart enough to carry on a conversation, and she needs to read and enjoying learning.
Music lover. Any girl that likes "whatever's on the radio" isn't going to get along well with me. She needs to have individual tastes, they don't need to match mine, but they need to be developed. If she dislikes the beatles, that could be a dealbreaker. I've yet to know anybody who was sane and normal and truly disliked the beatles. I know some people who are too cool for them though.
She has to be an eater. I can date veggies and vegans, I flip flop between healthy omnivore and healthy veggie, but she has to respect, appreciate, and love food. Open to all ethnicities, open to trying new foods all the time, not too squeamish. Can't eat fast food too often. That shit is nasty.
Can't be an alcoholic. If you have to ask me if you drink too much, you already know the answer hun. Can't be a drug addict. If you smoke weed once a month, whatever. If your life is drugs and druggies, I'm past that point, thanks but no thanks.
Can't be overly religious. Don't push it on me. Don't push it on others. Don't assume that, if there is an afterlife, your group is the only one going.
Must have a positive attitude and self confidence. Must not be codependent. If you can't be happy alone, you'll never be happy in a relationship.
Hot (to my eyes).
If she's over 21, she needs to have a job she wouldn't mind doing for a few years. Nobody flying from miserable sales job to miserable sales job every 12 months.
She knows her own worth without me telling her, but will believe me when I do.
Zen. Realises that everything is going to be OK, and "they can't eat you".
What really matters in the end is that they don't have several personality traits that makes a long term relationship hell. Like co-dependent behavior, being manipulative, being negative, an inability to forgive & forget easily and to hold on to grudges, an inability to speak their mind (and problems). An ability to maturely be willing to talk to someone and to not "shut them out" and not talking to them because your "too mad".
Another thing is to be able to accept personal preferences and differences without stressing out about it. I don't drink for example, but as long the other partner doesn't push me to drink (or make me feel uncomfortable about it) and is totally accepting of it and vice versa, it shouldn't matter. Religion, drinking, BF%, height, ethnicity, language, Mac or PC, freckles. It starts sounding like "I'll only marry a Muslim" or "I'll only marry other white americans, otherwise we just won't get along" if you start going down that path.
Also the same should apply about the kids too.
Both each other's family's should be comfortable with you and with each other eventually.
There are probably other types "relationship red flags", but those are the ones I have experience with in my family and relationships.
Attraction wise, that depends on the person. I've noticed that the other girl has to be creative & alive in some way (design, science, engineering, whatever) or that attraction doesn't spark. Something about the personality type.
Also, it's not worth it to go with someone if they have something that will cause tons of stress. Like a drug addiction, extreme obesity or health issues, major mental issues, an inability to be financially solvent, etc.
- Financially solvent. Gotta have a job, and I don't mean as a clerk at the convenience store down the street.
- Family-oriented. Looking toward the future, someone who wants children and family.
- Intelligent, both mentally and emotionally. Doesn't have to be a college graduate; but must be emotionally cognizant, capable of communication and reasoning.
- Possessing good personal hygiene.
I rock the house. How do you like this enthusiasm? Enjoy it while it lasts, because 24 hours from now I will be hating life. Or maybe not!
I can't really describe how these naps are going. The whole time I feel like I'm not asleep and I'm trying to fall asleep. But I'll notice that my thoughts are totally bizarre. like this time I was thinking about how to beat a video game that doesn't actually exist. Occasionally I think "Man... I'm not falling asleep". And then the alarm goes off and I wake up and can't really tell if I was asleep or not.
Anyway, this is going to be the tough stretch, but I actually feel like I have plenty of energy. My sleep schedule for the past week has been pretty bizarre, so maybe that's helped me. Luckily I have a project to work on, so I'm not too bored.
So, today I started a new class called TEAMS. In this class there are only four of us and we are all mentors to the kids doing online learning or currently failing classes. This itself wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I don't really get along well with any of my other mentors. Also, the kids in these classes are working on a large variety of subjects and what do I do if I don't know how to help them?? Another issue I have with this class is the fact that we have to be to school an hour early for class. This wouldn't be that bad, because we only have to mentor 3 days a week, but the days we aren't mentoring we still have to stay in school. I don't understand why though. I mean, we have a large variety of hybrid classes for which kids can sign themselves out and leave school, so why can't we do that for teams?
Another issue I have is how harsh all of the teachers of these kids are. I mean, We've been here for 15 minutes and they have already literally duct taped a girls mouth. I know they have to be harsh with these kids in order to get them to do the work and everything, but can't they be a little bit nicer to these kids? No? Okay.