Check out my bestselling book on habits, Superhuman by Habit. .
For a long time I was very proud of the fact that no girl I had attempted to kiss had given me the cheek. I thought that this meant that I was a precision sniper of dating, finely attuned to the subtleties of the male-female dynamic. I knew when girls wanted that first kiss to happen and had been right every time.
I mentioned this to someone and they said something like, "Well, you're probably playing it way too safe then. You've avoided rejection, but you've probably not kissed a bunch of girls who wanted you to kiss them."
The wind was taken out of my sails immediately. I had been looking at it all wrong this whole time. Something I took as a sign of success was actually a sign of a different sort of failure.
If you never fail, you are leaving success on the table. It's comforting to imagine that you are perfect, but perhaps more likely that you aren't pushing far enough past your comfort zone.
Haven't ever failed to close a sale? You aren't pitching enough people. Have always lifted the exact amount of weight attempted? You aren't lifting enough? Haven't ever crashed your car? Okay, maybe you don't need to push everything…
In a world of uncertainty it's difficult to know how much is too much. Are you pushing too much? Not enough? Many paths are paved with failure but lead to a single all-important success. So sometimes when you're failing you should keep going. You only need to marry one person. Your business only needs to leap into profitability once. It's hard to know if you're doomed for failure or if that rare success is right around a corner.
The other end is easier to evaluate, though. If you aren't ever failing, and if an individual failure isn't catastrophic, you're probably not pushing hard enough. Accept the emotional hit of failure, give it a shot anyway, and be comforted by the fact that failure means that you're at least in the right ballpark in terms of moving past your comfort zone. And enjoy the successes you wouldn't have otherwise found.
Photo is from Cha Garden at the Lucky Dragon casino in Las Vegas. It's a brand new tea room that is easily the best in Vegas (and one of the best in the US)
Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday. Although it started with religion, it's become a secular holiday that's pretty pure. Everyone who celebrates it does so with people they're close to, and they think about what they're thankful for. There's a bit of gluttony mixed in, but even that includes a lot of healthy food.
Today will be the first time I celebrate Thanksgiving with friends instead of family. I'm grateful to have the option, and it makes me think of how lucky I am to have such great friends and family. I love my friends as though they're family, and I consider my family members to be some of my closest friends as well.
The emotion I feel the most throughout my day is gratitude. I'm always thinking about the various people in my life and how lucky I am to have them there. I think about the people who were in my life but aren't anymore, and I'm grateful for how they affected me. I think about how lucky I am to have a roof over my head, Chipotle and sardines in my belly, and the ability to constantly travel around the world. I think about how glad I am that this world exists and that I get to be here. That one fluke alone is enough to flood my brain with gratitude.
And, of course, I'm grateful to have you and people like you reading my blog and my books. I was having dinner with my friend Ramit the other night and we were talking about blogging. I told him that I may not have as many readers as some other blogs, but that I thought my readers were the best group of readers out there. I'd take that trade any day. Whenever I meet you guys I'm totally humbled to have such smart and interesting people care about what I write.
I get called weird a lot. Not usually in a bad way, usually as a term of endearment. Looking at it objectively, I see the argument — I'm definitely a strange person who does unusual things.
The thing is, I don't feel weird. My day to day life feels pretty normal, and the decisions that I make also feel very standard. Take in input, process it, make the best decision possible, move on.
The disconnect, I think, is because of how I make those decisions. When I think about why I often end up doing very different things than most people, it boils down to one key distinction: I completely disregard decisions that others have made in similar scenarios.
Here's why. While everyone obviously has a ton in common with each other, we also have enough differences that decisions can't be made in a one-size-fits-all manner. You and I could be in the exact same scenario, but because we value different things and have different abilities, the correct decision for each of us could be opposite.
As you may have noticed, I've been very early on some big cultural trends. I was into pickup way before it was mainstream, was one of the first "digital nomads", was living in an RV before the tiny house craze, and was playing poker profitably before it went big, etc.
This isn't because I'm clairvoyant or because I invented any of these things, it's just because I'm very comfortable with risk and am willing to try new things and see what happens.
I thought that it would be fun to talk about some things that I think will happen in the future. Maybe I'll be right and maybe we'll laugh at how far off I am, but maybe some will resonate with you and you'll get into them earlier than you would have otherwise.
1. Shared Assets
To break with my normal style of post, I thought this week I'd share some of my favorite software that helps me get work done on a daily basis. Because I use Linux it won't all be applicable to you, but maybe some of the ideas will be, and a lot of the software is cross-platform.
Ubuntu + Gnome
I love the Ubuntu operating system. In particular I like how everything just works super easily (including typically tricky things like printers), and that it's infinitely customizable. I spend a lot of time on my computer, so small customizations have a big effect on long term productivity.
Gnome is a "window manager" for linux. I switched on a whim and I LOVE it compared to Ubuntu's default window manager. I think it's way better than OSX, Windows, and Unity (Ubuntu's default).
For the past few years I've been in a state of near-constant motion. I was in Budapest for five weeks straight last month, and that was by far the longest I'd been in one place in years. This lifestyle now feels totally normal to me, so I thought it might be interesting to share what it feels like to live such a life, both good and bad.
Maybe the best part of moving around constantly is that I have a "presence" in different cities around the world. I have friend groups in Vegas, San Francisco, New York, Tokyo, and Budapest. In any of these places I can land and immediately feel at home, navigating by memory, calling up friends, going to favorite restaurants, etc.
Because I go to all of these places with relative frequency, I'm generally never gone for too long. So although I don't get to see all of my friends every week like I'd like to, I generally see them every 1-3 months (longer for Tokyo).
If you call these five places my homes, you could say that I have a five "half homes" rather than one full home. In other words, it feels like the sum of these partial residences is greater than one residence, in terms of connection with friends, getting to know a city, etc.
I'm going to start writing a little wrap-up about the island every year, partly because I want to chronicle it for my own reading later, but also because there's been a lot of general interest in the island.
If you're late to the party, nine friends and I bought an inexpensive island off the coast of Halifax in 2013. It was untouched forest when we bought it, but we have now built trails as well as structures, the only significant one being a 30' diameter yurt.
This year we got two trips in. The first was a massive trip with twelve different people coming and going, averaging eight to ten at any given time. Five of the owners came on that trip as well as seven guests.
Having so many people here at once was a feat in and of itself. I think the maximum we'd had before was four. But this is the first year that the yurt was up, as we finished it at the tail end of the preceding summer, so we had plenty of space for everyone.
Two days ago I closed on a property in Budapest (right where districts V, VI, and VII meet, if you know the area). It's not just my property, though. I share it with eight of my best friends. It's the latest piece of the puzzle in my recent quest to have home bases around the world in my favorite places.
We bought an island off the coast of Halifax, now a flat in downtown Budapest (best European city in my opinion), and are buying up a neighborhood in Las Vegas, with each of us owning our own apartments.
Tonight I'll sleep in our Budapest place. Tomorrow I'll fly to Halifax and stay on the island for a week. Then I'll fly back to Vegas. It is a really cool feeling to fly around the globe and always be home.
Now that I've done this a few times I'm going to share specifics on how it works and how we organize everything so that you can do the same. And before you dismiss the idea thinking it's too expensive or complicated, think about this: my share of the island, share of the Budapest place, and entire place in Vegas cost me around a fourth of the median sales price for a house in the USA. So while this sounds extravagant (and feels like it), it's actually very inexpensive compared to how most people you know live.
I've been working a lot on marketing recently, as you've hopefully noticed if you subscribe to CruiseSheet's (awesome) newsletter. A basic part of marketing is thinking about the funnel. At the top of the funnel you have people who go to the web site, and at the tiny end of the funnel you have people who actually book a cruise.
Ideally you'd want that funnel to be tube shaped so that every person who visited would also book a cruise, but that's not possible. So while you try to stretch the opening at the bottom of the funnel by increasing conversions, you also try to get more people into the top of the funnel, since some of them will make it all the way down to the bottom.
Over the years I have had some really amazing ideas for blog posts. Hopefully you've read a few of those posts, but the majority of them never got written. That's because I have the exact same thought process every time:
As you probably already know, one good way to keep your dog fenced in is the invisible fence. It's a loop of wire you run around your yard that triggers their special collar if they cross the wire, giving them an electric shock.
After a while you don't need the collar or the wire anymore. The dog has been conditioned not to cross the edge of the yard. Cool system.
When we are children we have a similar construct. Parents establish where the line is, and if you cross it you get in trouble. Go to bed later than midnight and you'll hear about it. Get lower than a B and you get lectured. Say words that cross a certain line of civility and get reprimanded.
Just as the dog doesn't need to know every point on the fence to identify the line he can't cross, we as children get a sense for where the line is. As toddlers we need to be told everything, but as we get older we know the boundaries.